@peb671: Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can tweet that"
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@AsianOtherWhite: My dog has figured out I'm Chinese. He totally tried to make a run for it. Silly dog, I'm not going to eat you until I train a replacement.
@AbrasiveGhost: [Opens a beer at the park] "Dude. There's kids here." Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER