@peb671: Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can tweet that"
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@ParentNormal: I can't tell if my baby is a slow clapper or is starting a slow clap to mock my parenting.
@omerwahaj: An eskimo sitting in a kayak was chilly. He lit a fire. Unsurprisingly the kayak sank. Moral: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.