@chrisanna4real: Ever since Crystal signed my yearbook in 4th grade, all of my summers have been rad and I haven't changed, just like she asked.
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@ArfMeasures: FRIEND: Wow you have bought A LOT of frozen food ME: I like to plan ahead FRIEND: But you haven't got a freezer ME: I'm a terrible planner
@michaelianblack: The whole thing about "we're all going to die some day," that's a joke, right?
@AliceGolightly_: Me: You've dimmed the lights already, aren't we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
@shatty48: Now that I've removed my windshield wipers I shouldn't be getting anymore parking tickets.