@chrisanna4real: Ever since Crystal signed my yearbook in 4th grade, all of my summers have been rad and I haven't changed, just like she asked.
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@djdarrellripley: Ugh! You. Are. A. Terrible. Kisser. If your looking for my tonsils, I had them taken out when I was 8...
@graceful_asfuck: [Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am.
@weinerdog4life: No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that's why I dropped it.