@daveexplosm: Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We're 21st-century cavemen.
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@envydatropic: They say all dogs eventually look like their owners........that's unfortunate for your dog
@Pirate_nurse: I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added "Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer" In my prayers
@ActuallyEmerson: Gay guys don't listen to girls talk either, but we do have the good sense to say "I know, right?!" while we wait for our turn to talk.
@TheHyyyype: OLD LADY: help, that man snatched my purse and he's getting away! ME: no need to shout, ma'am, i'll handle it OLD LADY: oh thank you! ME: *takes deep breath* help, that man snatched her purse and he's getting away!