@daveexplosm: Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We're 21st-century cavemen.
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@MavenofHonor: The worst thing about coming home from a trip isn't unpacking, it's the looming threat of nuclear war
@BarebakAssassin: Some people don't realize how grateful they should be that I'm not allowed to carry a sword in public.
@ScobeyWanKenobi: Just once I'd like to yell, "Don't you know who I am?!" because I'm important, not because I'm drunk and actually forgot.
@joshgondelman: "Why am I not asleep?" he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away.