@wolfpupy: ever since i put all my eggs in one basket i have received unsolicited egg advice, you dont know my life, you dont know what im all about
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@Brentweets: "Hi doc!" "Hi! What is that behind your ear?" "Nice try, too old for the coin trick" "No it's a tumor" "Oh my god" "Kidding it's a quarter"
@JermHimselfish: I only star inspirational tweets from 15 year-old white girls, because they've obviously got the deepest insight into the human experience.
@SirEviscerate: *sees melted chocolate swirling in tv ad* ooooh yeah *raisins fall into the chocolate in slo mo* nooooo *punches hole in wall*