@ibid78: Ever since we lowered our ceilings here at the shipyard, sails have gone through the roof.
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@doktorj: My house is like an Indiana Jones movie. Partly because I walk around with a bullwhip, but mostly because of all the cobwebs.
@LocoBurritoMan: Today I got chased by a thief trying to steal my wallet.. I managed to get away, but he definitely gave me a good run for my money!
@daplusk: Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
@Sam_Alan33: MARRIAGE PROPOSAL TIP: Get down on 1 knee. Ok, now the other. Great! Lie flat on your face. Quickly roll away don't get married you idiot.