@VerifiedDrunk: Ever talk to someone so stupid you can actually hear them misspelling words?
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@murrman5: [giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda
@AristotlesNZ: I don't know how you women do it. Every time I try to "sleep my way to the top" I get woken up and sent to HR.