@markydoodoo: Ever try spreading really cold butter on toast? I'm like the human version of that.
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@HeyZeus666: Typical coworkers. They complain about management, but when it’s time to dispose of the boss’s body, they all pretend to be working.
@Eightinchgoat: Her: I LOVE your beard! Me: Thanks, yours is coming in nicely, too! Flirting with women my age is hard, guys.
@CheryeDavis: When I was a kid I liked my Jack in the Box...But now I prefer my Jack in the Bottle.