@markydoodoo: Ever try spreading really cold butter on toast? I'm like the human version of that.
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@adamrensch: *accidentally walks into women's restroom* *plays it cool* *sits down* *finds comfort here* *changes name to Janice* *is alive* *is free*
@danozzi: When brands use cool words like "bae" on social media, I drive straight to their nearest location with all my money, ready to buy products.