@Maui_Speaks: Ever wonder if you killed that one really important brain cell?
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@Home_Halfway: "State your name" Ted Cruz "Where are you from?" Texas "Your wife's name" Heidi "Your first zodiac murder" 1968 "Thank you" You're welc-WAIT
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
@trojansauce: [after frodo throws the ring into the volcano] FRODO: well? VOLCANO: omg yes! FRODO: i love you VOLCANO: i love you too
@Donna_McCoy: Autocorrect just changed faux pas to faux pasta and this gluten war has gotten out of hand.