@Maui_Speaks: Ever wonder if you killed that one really important brain cell?
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@GrantTanaka: wife: [talking & making baby noises at cat] me: you must be bored af wife: no I'm not me: I was talking to the cat
@truegritrumble: ME:John's coming over for dinner. WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John? JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England.
@Faceyspace: HAHA ME AND MY NEW BOYFRIEND QUIT SMOKING TOGETHER NO ONE WILL GET MURDERED FOR SURE.