@cervixsmash: Every 5 seconds a woman gives birth to a baby. Stop this woman
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@TheTweetOfGod: An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But a tooth is worth half an eye, so an eye for two teeth also works, if you're out of eyes.
@laureneoneal: Why doesn't anyone invite copyeditors to parties when we're such cool people out with whom to hang?
@michaelianblack: The whole thing about "we're all going to die some day," that's a joke, right?
@w00f_w00f: Hate it when couples fight & change their relationship status to "single". I fight with my parents, and don't change my status to "orphan".