@daobviousturtle: Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
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@DurtMcHurtt: This guy in my living room must think I'm an idiot, he says he picked my lock but I distinctly remember choosing it at the store by myself.
@sheseemslegit: Dear Fox news, I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
@shkeeber: Me: Whatcha making? Mom: Dill bread. Me: So, do you have yeast on your dill dough? Mom: Get out.
@internetluke: [at wine tasting] Hmm yes, very good. a slight smokey undertone. "Sir, you just put your cigarette in your wine" Strong smokey undertone