@daobviousturtle: Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
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@Reverend_Scott: [Shop class] Satan: Whatcha makin'? God: Trust. Man can use it to form lasting bonds and friendships. What you making? Satan: A bong.
@BuckyIsotope: Started to travel back in time to kill Hitler, but then I decided to be more efficient and went back and shot Adam and Eve instead.
@SarcasticCharm: Drank enough whiskey to talk the husband into a Titanic reenactment. He's laying in the snow and I won't share the picnic table with him.
@itsmovies: In movies when people go underwater, I like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo.