@tchrquotes: Every atom in your body is born in a star, traveled millions of light years, & through an amazing process became you. & you watch Teen Mom.
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@matsmoustache: I don't even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullshit.
@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "What are your strengths?" Me: I fall in love easily. "Erm, okay... what are your weaknesses?" Me: Those blue eyes of yours.
@AmishPornStar1: Hate when I lay out too close to the shoreline and the other beach goers team up to try to push me back in the water.