@tchrquotes: Every atom in your body is born in a star, traveled millions of light years, & through an amazing process became you. & you watch Teen Mom.
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@MelvinofYork: I thought my wife was super pissed at me, but it turns out she was only “disappointed” in me. Thank God, I definitely dodged a bullet there
@michaeljhudson: "Mr. President, N. Korea is threatening to bomb your birthplace" "Why, there's nothing for them in Keny-" "HAWAII, sir" "Right, that's wh
@Home_Halfway: "Let's do 5 sets of squats & then try lifting for an hour. It looks like you got out of shape after your dad died" ~ Really personal trainer