@joeldanger: Every birthday is a surprise party after you turn 80.
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@rameshsrivats: Happy Dhanteras. If you buy gold today, you'll become rich tomorrow. Except for gold merchants. Who sell gold & become rich today only.
@thepunningman: Hot mothers in your area want you to text them to let them know you got home ok.
@philyuck: Dominos dropped the “pizza” from its name because they’re not legally allowed to call that pizza.
@mortimermaiden: The soft snowflakes swirling in the night sky remind me of the time mom had too much gin and threw a roast duck at dad for taking her youth.