@3sunzzz: Every car wash comes with a free shower if you get out of your vehicle naked.
@TheTweetOfGod: Home is where the Wi-Fi is.
@anerdonfire2: I'm sorry I threw up on your kid but to be fair, he threw up on me first.
@TaintUrBalls: Weed is better than beer because with weed the ugly chick stays ugly.
@loribuckmajor: Posted a photo of my clean house on Facebook and it was flagged as fake news.
@BrainFumbles: How to get a woman:
1) find one who sells cars
2) take a test drive
3) just keep driving
She's yours now, plus you have a new car.