@3sunzzz: Every car wash comes with a free shower if you get out of your vehicle naked.
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@murrman5: [helping son prepare for first date] "what if she doesn't like it" *stuffing handkerchiefs up son's sleeve* be confident in your magic, son
@Jenny4ashley: I haven't been around a baby in so long I can't even remember how to put their leash on.
@ArfMeasures: ME: *takes wife's hand* you know I've wanted to have children for 3 years WIFE: And I've told you *removes hand and sits back* we have to keep them forever
@ThRealBallsDeep: Is a guy eating peach halves the equivalent of a chick eating a banana? Asking for a friend... ...but hurry up, I'm almost to the checker