@lecalabara: Every chair is a reclining chair when you're drunk.
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@iwearaonesie: *wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* "Dad are you coming too?" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me
@SuperJuanderer: When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know... to send a message.
@TheMichaelRock: Presidents Day was created by big corporations to get you to buy more presidents.