@lecalabara: Every chair is a reclining chair when you're drunk.
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@lasergirl70: The rose petal scene from American Beauty, but just me naked and covered in candy wrappers.
@badbanana: I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.
@internetluke: [on date] Here, let me help you with your jacket! *i gently remove her jacket* This is mine now. Cya