@kumailn: Every chef on Chopped's like "I was medically dead for 3 yrs & my wife married the guy who pushed me off that bridge. My specialty is bao."
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@bggas400: You never know how many people are out jogging early in the morning till you back out of your driveway with frost covered windows.
@Marlebean: Kid: What's this? Me: A napkin holder K: What's a napkin? M: You wipe your hands on it when they're dirty K: You mean like the couch? M: ...
@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: The "eye roll" was created by Eve in the Garden of Eden within 15 min of her first conversation with Adam.