@fuzzlime: every coat is a fur coat when your cat sleeps on it
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@ozzyunc: "I want to get drunk in public." "Me too but on pancake batter." "If only there was a way to solve both problems." -The Origin of Eggnog
@RandomlyMJ: Thanks to Twitter I will never again ask a man "What are you thinking?" Because now I know and I am horrified.
@ItsAndyRyan: *Child putting on clothes very slowly while singing* Me: You really need to hurry up – we're going to be late. *Child starts singing faster*
@SufficientCharm: What do you mean you're not going to spank me? I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you?