@fuzzlime: every coat is a fur coat when your cat sleeps on it
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@MandiAtRandom: *takes enough Xanax for an army* I have a killer headache CW: *hands me 5 Advil* Woah there brother I'm not about to OD here, 2 will do
@cubagoodingjr69: Bay: come over Me: no, I'm watching TMNT Bay: I made one too Me: but it's awful Bay: come watch it Me: who gave you my number, Michael
@markleggett: Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise.
@leshnevsky: Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away.