@Tmoney68: Every day, I hope I don't get bitten by a spider. I'm not afraid of spiders, I just don't want the responsibility of being a superhero.
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@AngelaEhh: My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
@EndhooS: Scientist: we've finally taught a dog Morse Code Dog: [taps paw] Me: what did it say? Scientist: "woof"
@david8hughes: [to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] "I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."
@Social_Mime: A car says a lot about the owner. I have a KIA which tells people I have bad credit.