@Social_Mime: Every day I'm hoping is the day we find out why Beth from FB had enough but didn't want to talk about it.
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@markleggett: What if birds have tiny human-like ears underneath their feathers? That's certainly something to think about, but not during sex.
@iamspacegirl: Grandpa *pulls coin from my ear* Me: Pft. Some trick. Grandpa *shoves coin into my ear, twists my nose, peanuts begin pouring from my face*
@withanewname: Wife: "you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?" Me: "why?" W: M: W: "they're running along side the car"