@timdonakowski: Every dog, in a previous life, has been murdered by a shoe.
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@chicnlil1: Dear boyfriend, i can make ur girlfriend scream louder than u can. Sincerely, spiders
@YeahDrewisOn: Her: I can't believe you slept with her! Me: WE WERE ON A BREAK! Her: I just went to the store to buy bread! Me: Longest six minutes ever
@Dr_awfulpants: I don't want to criticize but whoever named them brownies wasn't trying very hard.