@timdonakowski: Every dog, in a previous life, has been murdered by a shoe.
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@hazelmotes1: I got fired on my first day as a paramedic for trying to revive everyone with true love's first kiss.
@WesTheFatKid: "Because Im a goddamned rock star!" wasn't the answer my boss was looking for as to why I was late to work, lesson learned.
@SamanthaRae49: I don't usually talk to strangers but when I do its because I'm at the zoo and someone called a tortoise a turtle.