@timdonakowski: Every dog, in a previous life, has been murdered by a shoe.
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@Social_Mime: Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don't dress nice for him anymore.
@TheBoydP: Guys, don’t panic if you find a sticky note from your wife in the morning with only the word “garbage” on it. It’s probably just trash day.
@IamEnidColeslaw: you know who else had a "fun hat phase"? Abe Lincoln. and we all know what happened to THAT guy
@JohnLyonTweets: I'm sorry I lied, but in my defense, telling the truth would have had consequences and I hate those.