@LizHackett: Every earthquake is a reminder that you drunk-ate the good granola bars out of the earthquake kit eight years ago and never restocked them.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@cbdoubleu: *raises the bar 16 yrs later] Bar: even though you weren't my real father I always wanted to call you, dad. Dad. *me trying not to cry
@sixfootcandy: (Breaks car window to save a dog) Guy: I'm in the car! Me: Yeah but it's hot Him: The AC is on! Me: Can I get in? It's really hot out here.
@jwoodham: Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders.