@kumailn: "Every family on 2013 had 'quite the year'." - study conducted using Christmas newsletters
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@longwall26: Tonight, people who are weaker, slower, and dumber than you will deliver bags of treats to your very doorstep. Seize this moment.
@sofarrsogud: ME: Thanks for all you did man. It's because of people like you, we have our freedom. HIM: Again, I'm a veterinarian.
@TheBoydP: Marriage tip: If your wife says “I didn’t do it” what she means is “You did it”. Accept it and don’t worry that you don't remember doing it.