@kumailn: "Every family on 2013 had 'quite the year'." - study conducted using Christmas newsletters
@KhrisWarhol: McDonalds can't extend their breakfast hours because at 10:01am, the eggs become self aware.
@SoldHerSoul: Are your clothes meant to scream out "help" when you squeeze yourself into them?
@gerryhallcomedy: There's no such thing as "elevator etiquette" buddy. Just enjoy your back scratch.
@Matt_The_1st: Sorry I have been gone for the last two days, my son had a quick story to tell me
@FinnMcIver: our teacher used to make us do 100 lines if we'd been naughty. my nose was wrecked at the end of it