@TheBeerGuy73: Every few weeks I login to Facebook, update my birthday to the current day, and those idiots wish me happy birthday every time.
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@heyjaadu: I use proper syntax and punctuation on all of my tweets, unless I am in danger of exceeding the 140 character limit... & then u no how it b
@Skullcat: I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
@goldengateblond: “She liked it but it didn’t have a bay window for her cat,” said the House Hunters narrator before walking into the sea.