@RobDenBleyker: Every fifteen minutes, a teenager crashes his car due to texting and driving. I hope he gives up, because he's obviously not good at it.
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@SemFitty: Accidentally put Red Bull in my coffee maker this morning. I was going 130 mph down the interstate when I realized that I forgot my car.
@rolldiggity: ME: "This might be a dumb question..." SCIENTIST: "There's no such thing as dumb que--" ME: "Am I a dragon?"