@Michael1979: Every funeral is open-casket if you've got a crowbar and a sense of adventure.
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@jwoodham: "Friends" ended 10 years ago today, but thanks to television, "me having friends" ended long before that.
@daemonic3: Girlfriend: Are you ready to be a dad? "I don't know, how would I know?" GF: I'm pregnant! "Hi Pregnant, I'm... OH MY GOD I'M READY"
@bornmiserable: "This race is over," said Donald Trump, referring to the entire human race if he is elected president.
@JaneBadall: My son just referred to a beaver as a "wood-eater". So I mulled it over in my mind for a bit and it would seem he's correct on two levels.