@lwhit_the_boss: Every grocery store has free samples if you're quick enough
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@goldengateblond: Tim Cook bravely announces he's gay. The world pats his hand like a kindly grandmother. "We know, dear."
@JediGigi: Boss: I need you to come into work at 7 instead of 9 tomorrow. Me: Can't. Boss: Why? Me: I'll be asleep until 8:30.
@OhSweetCharity: If you love someone, set them free. When they come back, because they will, make sure you are extremely happy with someone better looking.