@lwhit_the_boss: Every grocery store has free samples if you're quick enough
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@pinupteacher: [me on phone with mechanic] Car won't start. I think it's the battery. Or power steering. Could be a fuse. Wheels, probably wheels. Engine.
@mishakey: It's fun to watch a waitress flirt with my husband for an entire meal, then see that look of betrayal as I take the check from her hand.
@imVig: Thief: Did u see me rob this bank?nTeller: well, yes!nn*Teller shot in the head*nThief: DID U SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?nMe: No. But my wife did!
@Jennifergr8: I'm beginning to think some of you are not your Avi's, which makes me sad. I thought I had a unicorn and dinosaur friend.