@lwhit_the_boss: Every grocery store has free samples if you're quick enough
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@dril: the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now
@TheMichaelRock: I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.
@karencheee: Marrying my gay friend bc it's important for couples to have common interests and we are both interested in men!
@better_off_dad: God: I made a rainbow! Devil: I'm making all the fire alarm batteries die in the middle of the night.