@Ilovelamp1979: Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.
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@trojansauce: [dogs around campfire] *flashlight on face* and when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time
@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, I don't feel good." "Do you want to go see the doctor?" "Yeah." "Are you gonna throw up?" "Maybe." "OK. We'll take your mom's car."
@rockymomax: [making the first boat] "How do we get across this river?" ME: we gotta build a boat "What's a boat?" ME: that's what we gotta figure out
@4handfuls: AC changed "laughing at your gif" to "laughing at your God" and now I've accidentally started a religious war in this group text...