@AsgardianRose: Every kiss begins with 'K' I whisper quietly to myself as I read his one letter response to my last 7 text messages.
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@Brampersandon_: GIRL: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend DAD: Your bf is a bald eagle? BALD EAGLE: *adjusting toupee* I'm just a regular eagle actually
@That_Damn_Duck: You block or unfollow me because I follow or retweet someone you don’t like. Kindergarten called & said you left your maturity level there.
@WilliamAder: Just in case the FBI turns on my web cam, I've got a teeny tiny picture of Jimmy Hoffa taped to the lens.