@AsgardianRose: Every kiss begins with 'K' I whisper quietly to myself as I read his one letter response to my last 7 text messages.
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@djdarrellripley: Him: How does my football throw look to you? Me: Like you're good at science...
@SamGirlSunday: If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap.
@NurseMurderer: I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don't feed me and I'll kill everyone.
@pattymo: BREAKING: ISIS just announced that they’re gonna stop doing Sharia. Thank you to the 40 people who went to the March Against Sharia