@JasonBerlin: Every man was once a man trapped in a woman's body.
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@DrDogMD: NURSE: *bursts in* Dr., come quick! DR DOG: CHRIST, JULIE! Don't you knock?!? *hides magazine of sexy Labradoodles being sprayed with hoses*
@BoozeWallet: *opens kitchen garbage to discover there's no bag in it* *walks 6 miles to gas station to throw out kleenex rather than putting new bag in*
@cbdoubleu: Jeopardy] Alex: This floats your boat. Me [buzzing in]: What is buoyancy? Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.
@desi_princess: Does Target have crack floating through their air vents? Went in to buy milk, came out with a giraffe, 6-pack, someone's kid, and a headache