@CulturedRuffian: Every Monday I say to myself, “Jim...you need to go on a diet and stop eating doughnuts.” Luckily, I am not Jim.
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@flaskofwhiskeyy: My friend told me to let loose and be reckless today so I walked really fast with a bowl full of hot soup.
@bornmiserable: "Welcome to McDonald's, how may I take your order?" "Begrudgingly, I would imagine."
@TweetingDadGuy: Live tweeting from Sunday Mass! We're sitting. Now standing. Sitting. Sorry, should've been kneeling. Shit, that was embarrassing.