@HollyMemphis: Every motorcycle cop is a liquid terminator until proven otherwise.
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@murrman5: [looks up from laptop while updating résumé] son, you're good with computers "I'm alright" how do I find pictures of mean looking dinosaurs?
@THEINBREDCAT: Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
@Underchilde: Stop, drop and roll if your clothes are on fire or if you spot your ex under the mistletoe.
@cepheusjackson: SON: *first word* momma. MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT? ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck* He never comes down our street.