@iGreenMonk: Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight.
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@TheRolo: A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
@SirEviscerate: Under 'medical history', we were hoping for something more specific to you personally. You wrote "Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928".
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: My computer broke IT guy: What have you tried so far? Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing