@funnyordie: Happy Columbus Day! Celebrate by going to the wrong house after work then claiming it as your own.

@Quartzjixler: People who talk with your phone on speaker like it's a Star Trek Communicator - we're trying to have a society here. And everyone hates you.

@sparrowmedia: The symmetry is uncanny.

@duplicitron: The best part of having a banana instead of a cell phone is no one on this plane can actually make me turn it off or stop talking into it.

@NJFreudian: I think twitter is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.