@jakob_huber: Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
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@xLiserx: My autocorrect just changed "I'm off" to "I'm DTF" and changed a casual conversation with my boss into an H.R meeting.
@krissywillbretz: A good way to get kicked out of church is to shout "HOLE!" after every chorus of "Glory, Glory, Glory".
@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..