@jakob_huber: Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
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@Marlebean: He held up my pants and said "Are you sure these are yours? They look small. You can fit in these??" Judge: Not guilty. You're free to go.
@wittwitbarista: In Seattle, there's a code that states when two people are walking towards each other, the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.
@UniqueDude2: [Meeting girlfriend's parents] Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks! <Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>
@ItsAndyRyan: First date Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers Her: Wow, impressive Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos