@jakob_huber: Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
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@GMPaiella: The part of the Bible I relate to the most is when Jesus makes a scene at the farmers market
@moose_chocolate: For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.
@primawesome: My neighbor told me she doesn't care what people think about her. So I told her I think about her naked. Turns out she's a hypocrite.
@Sickayduh: [Cruise ship] "HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff