@KevinFarzad: Every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."
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@TheQuietPsycho: When I was 20, I interviewed to harvest llama wool and showed up with a vegetable peeler. I was maybe drunk I can't even make this up
@Contwixt: The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
@ohpegah: *thinks every animal is a type of dog* *sees a cat* scratch dog *sees a parrot* talk dog *sees a worm* spaghetti dog
@merewillis: My husband showed me beautiful flowers on his phone & said, "Look, I got you some flowers." So I put them in a vase of water. #LastLaugh