@KevinFarzad: Every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."
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@foxnerdrn: Why is it that when your dog brings you things he's killed it's cute, but when I do it we have to get the police involved?
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The "walk of shame" should be going to a bar the next morning after being drunk looking for your lost debit card.
@WalkingOutside: My preschooler talks a lot of trash when we play Chutes and Ladders for someone who needs help counting his spaces.
@texasstalkermom: How many beer trucks can you "accidentally" run into before your insurance company becomes suspicious?