@NintenDom: Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song has a part where it sounds like they're trying to guess words for a crossword puzzle.
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@TitaniumToplass: Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: What do you want for breakfast? 4yo: Bagel Me: *makes it 4yo: Tricked you! I wanted toast Me: Nice trick. Now, eat your bagel
@RexHuppke: Fox News: Witnesses are telling us Michael Brown may have charged Officer Darren Wilson atop a dragon, wielding a poison-tipped broadsword
@Starlight2112: When someone slings shit at me, I like to duck and let it hit the person stabbing me in the back.