@NintenDom: Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song has a part where it sounds like they're trying to guess words for a crossword puzzle.
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@sarcasm_inc: [airport security pulls Robocop aside] -Got ID? I AM A POLICE OFFIC- -Murphy eh. Looks nothin like u. THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT SH- -Save it pal
@AmericanGent69: If my name was Simon I would always talk in the third person when telling someone to do something.
@kiel_phillips: ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas
@RandiLawson: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but they stay for the intelligent discourse about Benghazi