@rolldiggity: Every Scooby-Doo mystery could be solved by asking, "1: Who is your most disgruntled employee?" and "2: Does he have access to a mask shop?"
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@rolldiggity: ME: "Trick or bear?" NEIGHBOR: "Bear?" ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!" [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]
@pakalupapito: i wish i lost weight as fast as i lose motivation
@InsouciantMan: This joke format is stupid. Nobody can wink forever. *winks for an extended but realistic period of time
@skickwriter: 5 & 8: Mommy, may I wear these boots? Can you find my jeans? Will you brush my hair? Will you tie my shoes? Mommy, why aren't you ready?
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*
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