@rolldiggity: Every Scooby-Doo mystery could be solved by asking, "1: Who is your most disgruntled employee?" and "2: Does he have access to a mask shop?"
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@ShoutingGoddess: A sincere apology is like coffee. Don't talk to me beforehand.
@roggyie: When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I just wanna to use my finger & write `"WASH ME"` on her face.
@CallMeDraper: Treadmills should just have one big button that says "Make Me Look Good Naked."
@lawyerthoughts: *throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Sir... I know, I know. Why is my dog dri- Cop: WHY IS YOUR DOG DRIVING I threw the ball too far during fetch Cop: Fair enough
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