@thegynomite: Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
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@GrantTanaka: If you ever see me on my death bed, please take me off my death bed & move me to my alive bed thx
@QwertyJones3: I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.
@RealSugarFree: Does the 5 second rule count for a baby? Asking for... Nevermind, her mom picked her up.
@E_lok44: The biggest problem with prison is that you can only rearrange your cell in so many ways because of where the toilet is.