@thegynomite: Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
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@ndmckeown: I keep my friends clothes and my enemies toaster. As a result, they're now all my enemies, but they're naked & having cereal for brekkie.
@iJohnKnoxville: Someone needs to open a bar called "The Gym". Then I too can be annoying on Facebook by posting how I'm always at the gym.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Twitter yesterday: We are outraged about the lion! Twitter today: We are outraged about the outrage about the lion!
@lemmywinkler: The "oops, wrong hole" excuse doesn't work when she catches you with her best friend.