@thegynomite: Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
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@cbdoubleu: Well, I've got to hand it to you. -Guy explaining how the baton works in a relay race.
@Reverend_Scott: [class trip] I'm farmer Joe, this is my farm DO U HAVE COWS? Yes, it's a dairy farm DO U HAVE WHALES? Kid, why wouldn't we have whales?
@therealeatwood: ME: What an emotional roller coaster ROLLER COASTER: [calling out to me as I exit the park] Why are you leaving??!! Is it something I said?
@Tmoney68: [Sloth Job Interview] Sloth Boss: How would you describe yourself? *2 hours later* Sloth Interviewee: Quick-thinking.