@thegynomite: Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
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@DanMentos: confession: when my barber spins me around and hands me a mirror to check the back I just fake it. Who is even that coordinated?
@CheetoBandito77: Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.
@daemonic3: [traffic court] Your honor, I'm here to dispute 4 of my 5 tickets JUDGE: Repeat infractions? Ok, I'm here to dispute ⁴/₅ of my tickets
@markleggett: My views are my own, although they're heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.