@thegynomite: Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
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@Darlainky: [at parent-teacher night] Teacher:*looking at my coffee tumbler* I see you're a coffee enthusiast, too Me: Coffee? Oh...yeah, coffee*wink*
@nbadag: *at the pond* "hon—there's something i need to ask you" *emotional* yes? *blows duck call* *ducks on water arrange to spell out 'TACOS?'*
@WilliamRodgers: [Bruce Willis on his deathbed] Bruce: Viagra! Dr: Bruce this isn't the time- Bruce: Give me...a Viagra! Dr: Ok *Bruce Dies...Hard*