@iamspacegirl: every snail has a perfectly baked cinnamon bun inside its shell
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@StormErika: People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work.
@hipstermermaid: "The Shining" is my favorite documentary about what happens when you don't have an Internet connection.
@babyitsmb: I feel like Trump and Hillary are two divorced parents fighting over custody of us but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma.
@AnkCoupleTO: KFC Team Member: Anything else? Me: More gravy please, I'll say when [several hours later] KFC TM: WE'RE GONNA DROWN M: I didn't say when