@iamspacegirl: every snail has a perfectly baked cinnamon bun inside its shell
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@neiltyson: Curious that it's always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
@Twtercide: Mom life be like “Don’t beat your sister with that corndog!” “Toothpaste is NOT spicy!” “Why is there a pillow in the bathtub?”
@Stalker_Clown: I'm not looking for a TC, I'm looking for someone with a woodchipper who doesn't ask questions.
@Just_Lee_: The world is full of terrible people, but there's none so evil as the man who fries bacon right next door to the gym.