@iamspacegirl: every snail has a perfectly baked cinnamon bun inside its shell
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@Home_Halfway: A family of ducks walks into a church. "Hi, yes, umm...I hear you have a man who turned his body into bread?" The father asks timidly.
@chimneyspotter: *opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]
@QwertyJones3: HILLARY CLINTON: Putin wants a puppet as the US president KERMIT THE FROG: YAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!