@Elifcello: Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.
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@SergioValenCo: If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
@ThaJawn: Give me that! You're going to hurt yourself! *takes toy *hurts self with toy 4: Hahahaha
@JessicaVarsity: If someone doesn't respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don't love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
@AdderallMomma: Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.