@dreamthievin: Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not sure what it means.
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@WilliamAder: I remember my first time at a mic. "Cleanup on aisle 5" & "Price check-Advil" were two early bits that really seemed to resonate with folks.
@HockeyTornado: I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't want people to recognize me when I'm pooping.
@Dil_Tron: [bar closing time] Do you wanna come over to my place? Her (flirtatious af): oh yeah Ok hold on.. *dials phone* Mom? Can you pick me up now?