@Breadery: Every squirrel is a flying squirrel if you've got a good throwing arm.
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@huntigula: WIFE: You know, you're my best friend! Am I your best friend? ME: [subtly exchanges knowing glance with our dog] Of course you are, sweetie
@McNevich: Sometimes I'll flush a few slices of pizza down the toilet just to let the Ninja Turtles know I miss them
@MisterBombay: Whenever I'm waiting for an elevator & the door finally slides open I pretend I'm on a Game Show & just won a group of people
@NicestHippo: [religion conference] BUDDHA: What's your opener? JESUS: "God loves you." You? BUDDHA (crumpling paper that says Life Is Suffering): Me too