@Ms_WhateverV: Every store should have one line for people who have their shit together.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk. Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway.
@ThaJawn: Hipster: Check out my mini.. Me: *snatches and eats Hipster:.. Bonsai tree Me: *swallows* It's alright for a veggie Hipster: Me: anymore?
@welone1: Before you judge a woman, walk a mile in her shoes. After that who cares? She's a mile away and you've got her shoes.
@thatUPSdude: (Stalker Diary) Day 4: Still under her bed. She continues to put the toilet paper roll on upside down. It's like I'm living with a monster.