@Sassafrantz: Every Thanksgiving I say my boyfriend broke up with me so my family lets me overeat without shame.
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@Scdavis24: Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren't your pants. Give them back to your sister.
@LurkAtHomeMom: People who aren't entombed in 8 feet of snow, what's it like to live in a tropical paradise?
@Marshalchisomcu: if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England
@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it's frosting.