@wickedimproper: Every time "Cops" comes on I'm like "PLEASE don't show my episode."
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@heyevergreen: Thought I saw a brownie walk by but it was just my dog. Other than that, diet is going well.
@AimeeHelene1: *walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* "Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"
@GrumpyBahr: Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
@Mr_Kapowski: Boss: You're late Me: Sorry, my clock was set to Australian time Boss: That would make today Saturday Me: You're right. I'll go home