@kelkulus: Every time God closes a door, he opens a window, thereby wasting electricity on air conditioning, causing climate change and dooming us all.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@NateMorrising: I went for a job as a stunt double, I stubbed my toe on my way out the door. As soon as I stopped crying, I went to the interview. Bravery.
@jazmasta: "We suspect you may have inability to vocalise emotion disease" "I can't say I'm surprised" *doc strokes beard* "Hmm yes.Just as we thought"
@lazerdoov: Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.