@kelkulus: Every time God closes a door, he opens a window, thereby wasting electricity on air conditioning, causing climate change and dooming us all.
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@Home_Halfway: ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should be called Babies Were US C: ... ME: Get me your manager
@trevso_electric: When two girls hate each other, they say "we should DEFINITELY hang out" and then take turns shouting "definitely!" until one of them dies.
@thenoahkinsey: SOON I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR HEROES AND TAKE MY PLACE AS YOUR WORLD LEADER BUT FIRST WHAT IS YOUR MOM'S CASSEROLE RECIPE IT IS DELIGHTFUL