@kelkulus: Every time God closes a door, he opens a window, thereby wasting electricity on air conditioning, causing climate change and dooming us all.
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@MommaUnfiltered: My husband still talks about that one time he loaded the dishwasher correctly like it's going to get our kids into Harvard.
@LoveNLunchmeat: People judge public housing, but it's cheap and your neighbors sell you drugs so I'm not sure I see the problem...
@JessObsess: It's so embarrassing when someone gets to second base with me and finds crumbs in my bra.