@JessObsess: Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me.
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@DevilryFun: I'm so tired, I'm thinking of visiting my grandma just so I can take a swig outta her oxygen tank.
@ceejoyner: Misinterpreted some rabbit prints in the snow and told my scout troop to look out for babies running at 35mph.
@realHamOnWry: You can lead a horse to water, but you have to work really, really hard to get him up on water skis.
@Book_Krazy: Hub: Still mad? Me: Jack & Jill went up the hill H: To fetch a pail of water M: Jack fell down & died a violent death Hub: Ok, still mad