@MacAnnabella: Every time I delete a selfie, I imagine the sound of a Gremlin being burned alive by the sunlight.
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@kwirkyKerri: Nothing says you married into the wrong damn family like your mother in-law crashing your honeymoon.
@DirtyySouthMess: I always thought I was attracted to men but this chick eating a Snickers on the elliptical has me questioning things.
@TheCatWhisprer: *intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they're for multiple people*