@karencheee: Every time I glue uncooked pasta together, a macaroni angel gets its wings.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: cats are the best because you can pet one while you're talking to someone and look totally evil
@IncrediblyRich: After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.
@4Crocs: If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Dying people are drawn toward a bright light. Do you know what that proves? Me: Dying people are moths?