@jwoodham: Every time I go for a run I think "why am I even doing this?" Then I look back and see all the cops chasing me and it's like "oh yeah, duh."
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@G_Faylor: an apple drops from a tree and hits me perfectly in the head but i don't act like some big science guy
@hippieswordfish: *2 pieces of bread being held hostage* bread 1: any way you slice it we're toast bread 2: we're dead wheat me: did my breakfast just talk
@jonnysun: "building-building building building building-building building" (translatiom: structur-making tower makimg another structure-making tower)
@Jake_Vig: "You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet." - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.