@jwoodham: Every time I go for a run I think "why am I even doing this?" Then I look back and see all the cops chasing me and it's like "oh yeah, duh."
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@briangaar: Superpower: giving evildoers the hiccups, then on day 23, you throw them off a building but by that point they're just sobbing "thank you"
@polychromatik: Beethoven:Who wants to hear some Symphonies? *crowd goes wild B:I SAID WHO WANTS TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES *crowd goes nuts B:I CANT HEAR YOU!
@msmessymist: Whenever I lose a follower I assume they died and the family had the account removed, because hello! I'm amazing!!
@ScottyDsntKnow3: My wife thinks I'm too impulsive. How the hell would she know? We only met last week!