@Dre_77_: Every time I hear a mean joke about being Canadian, I go right to the hospital and get my feelings checked for free.
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@dubstep4dads: [using ouija board] R2...L2....L1....R2...LEFT...DOWN... "what the hell?" [everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]
@TheToddWilliams:  LINCOLN: Here's what I have so far…"Eighty seven years ago our f— MARY TODD: Wait, wait…Why don't you use some whacky weird numbers
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we're walking home with a cart.